Finding My Voice
Those who know me will understand the significance of the following sentence. I have no words. I have no words to adequately describe the combined sense of powerlessness, anger, and urgency I feel as I read and hear about the recent atrocities committed by people like me against people of color. It was only when I realized that my current state of powerlessness, anger, and urgency is, in fact, another sign of white privilege that I decided I’d better find my voice. Because right now, we must all actively and clearly raise our voices to right the wrongs and move this country to a better place.
I used to struggle with the term white privilege because, in many ways my life has been a challenge and my climb has been uphill. But I now realize I was giving far too much gravity to the “privilege” part of that phrase without recognizing the enormity of the consequence that comes when the two words are connected. My privilege comes entirely because of the color of the skin with which I was born and the inherent power imbalance that favors me.
You see, I get to choose whether I feel powerless, or whether to wake up every day and go about my life as if nothing ugly and evil might be waiting for me around the corner. I get to choose when and how to channel my anger without being accused of playing a race card, or over-sensationalizing, or being asked to produce a video to vindicate my actions. I get to feel this urgency and do nothing with it, and my life will likely not be altered. My kids will walk the streets without being viewed as a threat or, worse, treated like one simply because of the color of their skin.
Our powerlessness must be met with empowerment. Power comes from many sources. If you want to be a part of the solution, think about where you spend your money and the kinds of businesses, organizations, and causes you support. Actively seek opportunities for people of color in your workplaces and communities and put anti-racist leaders in positions of authority so they might drive change. Honestly, it’d be nice if this happened at the highest levels of government, but your local leaders have a greater impact. Who runs your police force, and do they stand emphatically against racism? How about your city offices and your school boards? Also, if you want to be part of the change, educate yourself. Arm yourself with knowledge so that your voice can be informed and heard confidently and clearly on the side of right amid these deafening injustices. More importantly, educate your children about the role they play, if they wear fair skin, in turning the tide on this ugly epidemic. You’ve taught them to wear a mask and to go to school online. Kids are tough and malleable at the same time. Teach them to behave consciously and differently.
Our anger must be balanced with empathy. I had to dig deep to find empathy for the perpetrators of the recent hate crimes. It is that slow, painful digging that temporarily took my voice away, but it ultimately allowed me to more fully comprehend the magnitude of the divide in this country and the scale of the work that must be done to close it. To counter our anger, we must find a way to put ourselves in others’ shoes. We don’t have to occupy those shoes forever, but we are obliged to try them on and walk a bit if we are to grow in our own understanding. I’m going to be honest. I’ve also grappled with the rising violence and looting that has come in response to the most recent atrocities. My family and I have talked a lot about what it means. We fear that the very people who need our love and support will suffer more in the wake of this. And to be clear, I do not condone it, but I get it. Surely, every single one of us has felt powerless, angry, and urgent enough about something at some point in our lives to want to scream and holler, to act out our rage, and to break things until someone took notice. It is time that we all channel our collective anger about the state of racial inequality, the unrest, and the overt and covert racism in this country to raise our voices, act up, and dismantle the parts of the system that are simply not working.
Finally, our urgency must be supplemented with patience. That is the hardest part of this for me. I want action, now. Our cities and communities are figuratively and literally on fire. But, as a friend and colleague pointed out, this hot mess is hundreds of years old. To set things right will take patience, commitment, and follow-through. A few well-intentioned social media posts or texts to government officials will not permanently douse the flames. To write this simple piece, that may or may not be read and may or may not be well received, has been an arduous and painful journey for me…a white woman who has faced her own institutional barriers and who realizes in this moment how easy I had it in comparison. I confronted and wrestled with parts of myself and my privilege that I’d have found easier to deny or keep deep undercover. It is hard work with a long timeline that lies with all of us if we are to find our convictions and take a strong and unequivocal stand. Somehow, we must sustain the urgency we feel because of recent events and meter out our action with patience and perseverance. We must act now, and we cannot easily quit.
In the end, I hope we all find a way to fully comprehend the powerlessness that #AhmaudArbery felt as he was ruthlessly attacked or #GeorgeFloyd experienced under the police officer’s crushing weight so that we can empower more people to bring this ugliness to an end. I hope we all feel the anger that the family of #BreonnaTaylor is experiencing at the injustice of losing their beautiful daughter, a civil servant, to an ugly and shameful blunder in our justice system, so that maybe, just maybe, every human being, of any skin color receives the empathy, care, and respect they are due. And, I hope we can simultaneously honor the urgency our national situation demands and find the patience that #ChristianCooper must have accessed to stand his ground when confronted with a fellow human who was lost, misinformed, and oh-oh-oh so wrong. In the end…empowerment, empathy, and patience must be part of the words we find and the path we choose.
Susan M Vitale