4 Steps to Recover from Self-Defeating Thinking Patterns

Understanding & Managing Mental/Emotional Cyclones

Writer’s note: Sometimes the muse tries to wake me at midnight with the urgent need to create. I’m getting better at telling her it’s time to rest…that the inspiration will still be there in the morning. Such was the case last night. Let’s see if it worked…

The Mental/Emotional Cyclone

Have you ever had one of those days (or weeks, or months) when you get snagged in a negative pattern of thinking, filled with self-doubt, self-recrimination, or worry? Unchecked, your thoughts swirl and, like a cyclone accumulates debris you gather evidence of your shortcomings. These stormy spells are often accompanied by feelings of sadness, anger, and even fear.

The cyclone metaphor can be helpful as we learn to recognize and recover from negative thinking patterns.   Picture a tornado slashing through a midwestern town, tearing up and collecting everything in its path. Like a scene from the Wizard of Oz, our minds mentally suck up every piece of supporting evidence until we’ve accumulated an abysmal outlook, a ransacked psyche, and a wholly negative view of ourselves.   Before we know it, we’ve allowed some small unfortunate episode to grow into a mental tempest, ravaging our mood, outlook, and, on the toughest days, our self-esteem.

An Example of The Cyclone in Action

Here’s a personal look at how my mental cyclone developed recently.  I got up the other morning and immediately stepped in dog poop on my way to pour a cup of coffee. I scolded myself for sleeping in and not getting the dog out in time. Then I discovered the coffee pot had overflowed because I didn’t set it up properly the night before, spewing a stream of sodden, black, gritty grounds all over the countertop and floor. While cleaning the mess, I stood up too fast and whacked my head on an open drawer.  Because the morning’s fiascos caused a delay, I ran late for work, so I raced out the door without my cell phone. 

Unbridled, the day might have continued like this, inviting the series of distressing and unfortunate events to stealthily infiltrate my mood, which might otherwise have been bright and sunny. I’d allow the isolated upsets to define my day, and I’d reinforce that belief by telling everyone I encountered about how awful it was. By mid-day, the self-admonishment would grow into a maelstrom of: “You should pay more attention to… You should have realized… If only you were better at…”  Before I knew it, like a tornado racing through an unsuspecting town sweeping up everything in its path, my mood and my negativity would tear through my self-esteem and outlook, leaving me feeling dark and desolate.

Lucky for me, I practiced techniques to identify and stop the cyclone before it picked up momentum. In these situations, my goal is to shorten the path from inner turmoil to peace.  So, how do you know when you’re engaged in a mental cyclone, and (more importantly) what can you do to stop it in its tracks?

Symptoms of a Mental Cyclone

1. Your mood dips for no single reason.  The connection between thinking and feeling is a complicated one.  (Watch for a future blog and my upcoming book to learn more about discerning the two).  For now, as a kind of shorthand, remember that thoughts reside in the brain while feelings occupy the entire body.  For that reason, the first clue is feeling frustrated, angry, fearful, or sad.
2. You employ absolutes and shoulds in your self-defeating language.  The cyclone picks up speed and intensity when fueled with should and absolutes.  Notice when you refer to an entire morning or day as terrible (e.g. “This has been the worst day”) or if your internal monologue is filled with “shoulds” (e.g. “I should be better at…”)
3. You gather evidence to support a negative self-view.  Confirmation Bias, the tendency to interpret all new evidence as proof of existing beliefs, causes us to search outside of the immediate events, often looking far back in time, to find supporting examples of our own inadequacy.  Evidence gathering is a sure sign and further fuels mental cyclones.

In the midst of movement and chaos keep stillness inside of you.

Deepak Chopra

Four Steps to Stop a Mental Cyclone in its Tracks

1. Notice.  The first step sounds the simplest but requires mindfulness.  Using the symptoms above, diagnose the mental cyclone and make the conscious choice to shift to a place of peace.
2. Employ a mantra. Repeating a simple phrase can help break the negative thinking pattern. My friend Susan (QiCoach) says “Step away from the vortex” when she spots herself in the middle of a twister. I like to repeat “Recover” three times, just long enough to push the pause button on the tornado in my head. Some people add a practice to shift the feelings that accompany the unproductive thinking. The rituals of making a cup of tea, taking a warm bath, taking deep breaths, or lacing up your sneakers for a run all have benefits to shorten the path to peace.
3. Choose your thoughts. Feelings are trickier to wrangle than thoughts, so managing your thoughts provides the quickest path to shift your emotional state.  Notice whether the thoughts occupying your mind are largely negative and accompanied by evidence gathering. What you focus on expands, so if you dwell on negative and self-defeating thinking, the cyclone will intensify. I like to use a social media metaphor for choosing our thoughts. When perusing news feed on Twitter, FB or Insta, you make a conscious choice to pause and read some items and scroll past others. Use the same method with the thousands of thoughts passing through your brain on a given day, pausing on the ones that frame you in a positive way and swiftly swiping past those that don’t.
4. Trust that the cyclone will pass.  Nothing in this life, including life, lasts forever. Even the most destructive twister eventually peters out, leaving devastation in its path for sure. Also, if we’re going to squeeze every ounce out of this metaphor, in its wake emerge the space for calm and quiet and the chance to rebuild.  Stay tuned for a future blog and my book to explore the mantra “Everything is temporary.” In the meantime, when all else fails, find peace in knowing the storm will pass. 

As with any technique designed to improve your relationship with yourself and help you navigate life’s events, this four-step process takes time and practice. 

©Susan M Vitale, 2019